By Michael Altman

If you bring forth that which is within you
Then that which is within you
Will be your salvation
If you do not bring forth that which is within you
Then that which is within you
Will destroy you
–The Gnostic Gospels

No one ever aspires to addiction. It’s considered a curse.  Caught in its clutches it promised so much more than it delivers.  Despite internal and/or external feedback speaking to its unhealthy implications, we bargain, deny,
rationalize, and defy to clear some space to indulge.
Indulge in what? Well there’s the rub. Addiction appears in a myriad of forms. Some are stereotypically offensive; others condoned or even encouraged. Let’s name a few: eating, sex, gambling, television, drugs, shopping, exercise, work. In and of themselves, none of these behaviors are
inherently addictive. The defining line is drawn when we
reach the inescapable and unfortunate discovery that
we can’t stop. We might say we can, minimize or even
trivialize the behavior—but sooner or later we realize that
this behavior has gotten the better of us.
Lest we get too clever, take a look at the defining
characteristics of addiction: craving, shame, deception,
manipulation, relapse, compulsion, and impaired control.
When we’re honest with ourselves we see that many of
us have fallen under the spell of addiction. It’s fair to say
that any pleasurable behavior is susceptible to addiction.
How can this be? Well, let’s start from the beginning. In
the first few years of our lives, ninety percent of our adult
sized brain is developed. This development patterns itself
according to the circumstances of our lives. There are
three essential variables at play in supporting our optimal
development as children: nutrition, physical safety, and
emotional attunement. We need to be well nourished, feel secure in our environment, and know that our caretakers
are paying close attention to us and attending to our needs.
Should we be deprived of, or under served in these critical
needs, then our brain development is compromised and we
begin to shift from thriving to surviving with all the attendant
coping mechanisms. Attachment theory in psychology has
researched this theme exhaustively and describes the four
most common parent/child dynamics:
Secure attachment—when the child’s needs are sensed,
understood, and effectively responded to Avoidant
attachment— when the parent fails to respond to
the child’s needs in a sensitive and reliable manner
Ambivalent attachment—when the parent is unpredictably
inconsistent in responding to the child’s needs
Disorganized attachment—when parent shows a severe
and terrifying lack of attunement
Thankfully, the secure attachment is most prevalent. The
remaining three, especially the disorganized attachment,
are most conducive to future addictive behaviors.
When we emerge from the shadow of denial then we have
the opportunity to explore the very literal understanding that
addiction isn’t a disease; it’s actually our response to dis-
ease. I have a hunch. My admittedly informal, untested
diagnostic hunch. If you can comfortably sit still for one
hour, in your own space without distractions of any kind and
arise feeling refreshed and at ease, then chances are you
are not a candidate for addiction. The likelihood is that you
benefitted from a secure attachment and those three basic
needs for childhood well-being were met.
The rest of us are likely to feel the gnawing compulsion to
pursue and persist in behaviors that can no longer be truly
considered a choice. The notion of choice becomes illusory.
Be honest, it’s a done deal! We may delay, procrastinate,
and “flirt” with the addictive behavior before eventually
succumbing. How does this happen? Flirting is the key.
We’re preoccupied with the addictive behavior whether
engaged in it or not. Driven largely by unconscious forces
and corresponding brain patterns, we can’t seem to get it
out of our minds. The “flirting” serves as a kind of foreplay
until we finally give in. At no point are we truly free of the
addiction; we’re just keeping the wolves at bay. Over time,
the need for relief proves more powerful and persuasive.
Looking at drug addiction: nicotine, caffeine, cannabis,
Lexapro, heroin, amphetamines, Xanax, cocaine etc. We
discover that these substances do not themselves cause addiction; it’s the feeling we get from consuming them that
becomes irresistible. The more powerful the effect, the
harder to resist and consequently, the greater the likelihood
of addiction. It starts out as the more you do, the more you
want to do and later descends into the more you have to
do. What exacerbates this pattern further is the tolerance
we develop. Our body/mind adapts and accommodates
and we find ourselves consuming more and more while
experiencing less and less.
All theoretical, existential, and developmental theories
aside–consider this:
- try getting a night’s sleep without any sleep aid
- see if you can go through a day without any electronic
companionship
- perhaps a week or two without any pornographic
stimulation
- a week without any TV?
- might you do without sweets for the rest of the week?
- start the day without coffee?
- end the day without alcohol or cannabis
- work only your scheduled hours and go straight home
Hopefully, in taking an honest inventory of our own
behavioral tendencies, we will be less inclined to judge
and stigmatize those unfortunate souls who are also
in the throes of addiction. I believe the more disturbed
our childhood, the stronger, more dramatic the form of
our addiction. Nevertheless, the common theme is self
soothing in its myriad forms of expression. The triathlete who CAN’T go a day without exercise is no more balanced than the street wino procuring alcohol. All of the above (and
many more) both legal and illegal, serve to help us through
the day. The salient question is: what’s so disturbing about
our day that requires such assistance.
This leads to a more esoteric investigation. Let’s take a
peek into the granddaddy of all addictions: the thought
patterns of the mind—the very fundamental, programmed
ways we perpetuate a fraudulent replication of our selves.
History does repeat itself and it continues to occur in a
moment to moment, thought by thought basis. The ego
holding us in its clutches, forever reminding us of who, in
our essence, we are NOT. Try breaking free of that spell.